apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
God, I missed his penis.
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