he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
