its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
