I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
