when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
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