He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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