problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I wish I only lived at night.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
