I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
