apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Randomize
