He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
