Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
