So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I just threw up on my dentist
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
