i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
