Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
