when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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