I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
