somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
