If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
