Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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