The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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