Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
