he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
