At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
