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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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