Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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