I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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