Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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