Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
you didnt know i had herpes?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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