Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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