You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
