Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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