The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
