Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
ttyl tear gas
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
