The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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