Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
