The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
