watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
