his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
