he referred to my room as the tit cave...
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Randomize
