And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Randomize
