omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
