I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Randomize
