I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
they're like a gay fantastic four
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize
