i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
