and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
