I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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