She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
