Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
