i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
