i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
