I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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