whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
