No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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